The Pity Party Part of Me

Well I had to admit it sometime. I like to feel sorry for myself. It is a really comforting feeling to feel sad for yourself (especially when nobody else does!). Occasionally (and I have to admit, more infrequently now) I take some time for myself to be really utterly miserable. I need it. In my case misery does not love company, but loves to be completely alone and completely desperately depressed. Misery loves to eat, cry and eat some more. The more tissues I can get through the better. Usually I go through my 'basket case'. This basket is filled with things that make me miserable, such as all Riley's treasured possessions, photo albums, toys and letters sent to me after his death. I find them excruciatingly sad and bask in the melancholy feelings. I put on my saddest films, like Beaches, Steel Magnolias and Fried Green Tomatoes. I listen to all the music from my son's Funeral and eat chips and lolly snakes and ice-cream. Sometimes I smoke half a packet of cigarettes. It is miserable bliss. It keeps me 'normal' for a little while longer, gets all the disgusting thoughts about myself out until the next time. MMMMmm, something to look forward to you think!!

A little bit stressed

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. OK.. I feel stressed. I have been working really long hours, and knocking myself out to do what I think is an ok mediocre job. GOD teaching is so hard...it is never finished and never good enough for anyone!!!!!. This is the first time in a long time that I have let myself get sucked in to the absolute rubbish of super teacher. Unfortunately my school is full of them, and I will never be like them, so right now, starting today I say LET IT GO....somewhere off into oblivion my stress and angst about being a perfect teacher has been let free and materialised into nothingness. I say goodbye to that sucky part of myself that hates mediocre. Mediocre is great. I love mediocre. Long live mediocre....

25 things you don't know about me

1. I would have liked to have had lots and lots of children.

2. I like clean, fresh, cotton sheets, just off the line and straight on the bed.

3. I love to sleep in, but rarely ever do.

4. I would have liked to have been something quite shallow, like an artist, cafe owner, interior designer if I wasn't a teacher.

5. I have a book floating around in my head, which one day I will get some uninterrupted time to write.

6. I am very lazy, hate exercise, bicycle shorts and detest gymnasiums.

7. I have hundreds of books that I have only read half (or less) of.

8. I love nothing better than people watching. I can do it for hours.

9. I have never had a manicure or a pedicure, I don't understand nail polish at all.

10. I have a very short attention span and get bored easily.

11. I hate wearing bras. Any chance I get, it's off and thrown down in disgust.

12. I secretly love kiddie foods like macaroni cheese, finger buns, fairy bread, jelly, cookies with smiley faces on them, kinder eggs.....

13. I hate cold weather. Frost, snow, ice, sleet and fog are all the weather of the devil . He also invented scarfs, beanies, winter coats, thermal underwear and gloves; how hideous and impractical are these things??!!...

14. I love comfortable shoes, when I die I will be cremated in my birkenstocks.

15. I like nothing more than spending the whole day in my pyjamas. I can't remember the last time this actually happened, and as I write this I vowe to make it soon.

16. If I can't spend the whole day in my pj's, then I love to spend it in my togs and a sarong.

17. I like doing housework, even cleaning toilets gives me satisfaction. I love the feeling I get when the whole house is clean.

18. The only thing I like about winter is flanellette.....aaahhh flannellette is God's own gorgouesness. Flanno pyjamas and flanno sheets. Heaven.

19. I hate putting clean washing away. I like to wash, hang, fold and sort, but would prefer to have mountains of clean washing than actually get it put away.

20. I secretly dream of walk-in wardrobes and pantries.

21. I love stationery, paper, pens, pencils anything gorgeous that makes writing and organising fun.

22. My left eye is smaller than my right eye.

23. My left foot is bigger than my right foot. (balances out my eyes!)

24. People with bad grammar and elecution annoy me.

25. I swear a lot. I swear too much.

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floods, fires and feeling sorry for one's self

To all those who read my winges and whines in the last post, let's just remember that life can be pretty tragic for some and my mojo doesn't even factor into it. In Australia we have had some devastating bush fires, well firestorms really, that have wiped out whole communities and caused a lot of emotional turmoil. The stories are too horrific and many people down south have suffered unspeakable terror. I am still getting my head around all this pain and suffering. Up north we have some floods that have caused alot of damage and taken possessions and lives with them. I get to sleep in my soft bed, shop in my local supermarket, cuddle my husband and son, and not have to worry about starting my life all over again.....and when teaching my lovelies, I don't have to take my baby on my back!! What a cutie he is!!!

P.S click on the firestorm picture to see it in more focus, it is humbling.....we really are a speck on humanity aren't we?

school is no longer cool

What is it about 23 six and seven year olds that can be so hard? You can spend your holidays dreaming about how wonderful you are going to be as a teacher and how positive and gentle and caring you are, the lovely work that is going to be produced and the glowing faces looking back at you in awe of your awesomeness and lovely teacher-ness......when the reality is that they are wanting to do as little as possible, cause as much trouble as possible and make you lose your cool every 5 seconds (not difficult when its 33 degrees in the classroom!) Yes OK I admit I have already lost my mojo and it is only two weeks in to the term. Last week I had cleptomaniac Lachlan who liked the look of the chocolates on my desk, all foil and bright colours, how could he resist? This was closely followed by the lunch down the toilet incident that made me quite angry, because flushing a friend's lunch is not what I call socially acceptable.....then there's the room, which as you can see was nice and fresh and clean and all educational looking. Now it is full of crumbs and spilt drinks and paint pots not washed up from Friday and mounds of marking on my desk and pens and pencils everywhere. I know....I have to get over it, just like every other year, get on with the task of being all the things I mentioned above.
A little anecdote: As it was my birthday I had two boxes of chocolates on my desk (minus a few that got stolen by lochy) from my lovely new colleagues. As teaching is very tiring and hot and robs you of any blood sugar, I was munching on said chocolates, well, grazing all day as and when the opportunity arose. One of my dear female lovelies was overheard saying to another lovely, "When I grow up I want to be a teacher just like Mrs F and eat chocolate all day"
If only.....

Weddings

I love a good wedding, especially a good non-church one. This is Ellena and Ged marrying on Nudgee Beach, with all their friends and family around them. Ellena is the daughter of dear friends, Bruce and Barb, we have known her since she was about 12 years old. She is a gentle and creative soul (like her parents) and her and Ged will have a very happy life together. Yesterday was a lovely relaxed day on the beach with everybody making a kite to fly in their honour, good food and wonderful company. Bliss...